It has been eleven days since I arrived in Spain and already the lessons I have learned seem as abundant as the clusters of oranges hanging from the trees that line the streets here in Sevilla.
While planning for Spain I thought that I was ready to conquer this study abroad experience with gusto. I was excited to be independent and adventurous and any feelings of doubt and anxiety hid themselves behind my desire to achieve fluency in this language I have always dreamed of speaking.
Shortly after my arrival I was confronted with the raw and fragile feelings of loneliness and heart ache. Every part of me longed for the comfortable and familiar as I was shaken by this new culture, new language, new place, and new people. All confidence and surety seemed to vanish as I sat in my little room and realized the situation I had gotten myself into. I could not go back, I was here in Sevilla, and it was worse: I was here for four months.
The thought of such a lengthy period in this place that threatened my peace and confidence was so overwhelming I had to push it out of my brain and focus on the moment before me or my heart rate began to readily increase. “Just this day, just this moment, just right now”, I began to think, over and over again in my head. I see already, as I write this first post, that this mindset of embracing the present moment, although obtained through many tears and countless deep breathes, encapsulates perhaps the most important lesson I have learned during my time here so far. Jesus does not set us on this earth and say, “okay, here’s your whole life, right before you, don’t mess it up, oh and also, try to enjoy it”. We often look at what lays before us and think “okay, I can do this”, I can make it through college, I can graduate, I can go to grad school, I can get a really good job, etc. and then we find ourselves amidst our challenges, overwhelmed, scared, and paralyzed. Just like the Spanish phrase my professor taught our class this past week, “poco a poco”, so also, Jesus speaks to us gently, with great tenderness, saying, “Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own troubles be sufficient for the day” (Matt. 6:34). We are not asked to take on our whole life or even four months in a moment, that is impossible.
I know now that my time here abroad must be approached for the gift that every moment and each day truly is. I also know that it is only through the grace God gives me that I will be able to to view it in that way. I have started rejoicing in the small victories, noticing the seemingly insignificant blessings, and marveling at God’s mini miracles. I took my first public transportation in the city, saw a beautiful sunrise over the bridge on my way to school, found a quaint little adoration chapel two minutes from my institute, went to Spanish zumba, bought my first groceries, and the list continues:) I know that I will be tempted often to fall back into thinking ahead and dreading the future but Jesus is gracing me with patience and whispering ever so softly into my life, “little by little, Anna, little by little”. And to my surprise, when I respond, “little by little, Jesus, little by little” I see the colors of the city and the beauty of the people around me for what it truly is, and it becomes so much clearer.
La Plaza de La Vida 